Posted By Chelsea on Jul 17, 2014 | 4 comments

I read something which made me feel really, really sad today. (That’s the face of sadness below, by the way.)

“Even just feel like you’re failing as a parent?…I get that I should appreciate every minute I get to spend with her even if it is at 3a.m. but I’m sleep-deprived and struggling at the moment.”

Dear sleep-deprived and struggling, you’re not failing.

You’ve been sold a bill of goods. The media has taught you that by ten months your baby should be sleeping through.

The bastards forgot to mention the agony of teeth, the developmental leaps, the transition to daycare or playgroup or just new people and the easy, easy overstimulation of a tiny, incredibly active and absorbent brain. They forgot to mention the change of seasons, daylight savings, introducing solids/weaning/new food and language development. They forgot to mention walking, talking, crapping, croup, colds and snotty noses.

You’re not failing. You are parenting. You’re coping the very best that you can under torture (because that’s what ongoing sleep deprivation is). You’re doing an amazing job, and please don’t apologise if you’re not in your “regular” jeans, or clean yoga pants, or even showered. You are keeping yourself and tiny human(s) alive and you are doing just fine.

Also, you don’t have to appreciate every minute. I sure as hell didn’t appreciate every reflux burp. I fricking HATE sitting in the bathroom while Small decides if she will or will not poo today. We won’t even talk about aeroplanes and the hell we will shortly endure returning home, and if you make me contemplate the jet lag that awaits us I will bawl like a newborn.

You are allowed to dislike stuff.

You are allowed to hate stuff.

You are allowed to walk into another room and scream, or ask for babysitting and sleep for four hours/eat ice-cream/DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF.

Please don’t beat yourself up.

Drink a big glass of water, make a cup of preferred hot beverage, and ignore the chaos – it will still be there in five minutes but you’ll have a little more sanity and self-possession to help yourself get through it. You’re not alone.